Where is the hickey?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize