I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize