I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
