Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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