we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
