I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
