nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
