Sponge bath it is.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
