I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
