but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
