the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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