Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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