So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Operation Purity has been aborted
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
