College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
