she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
