Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
