if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
