I want you more than these girls want KFC
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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