first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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