The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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