So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
