I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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