I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
