when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
