There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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