Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
