We're like a lot better than the average bears
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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