I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
