you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
