You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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