He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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