God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
