never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
