Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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