Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
