She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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