He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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