i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We left an ass print on the piano.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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