'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Randomize
