Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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