then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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