Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
