i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
