If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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