no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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