If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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