How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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