Rock
Scissors
Fuck
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Never underestimate the power of titties
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
