hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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