New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
