i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
