I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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