A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
