i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
