Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
