I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
