She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
