I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
