The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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