I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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