Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
