His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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