How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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