Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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