i barfeds in our rink
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
