i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
